Cyprus
It’s so weird that it’s only a sea between the war in Syria and the endless parties of Ayia Napa in Cyprus. It really shows how different the world can be when in Cyprus the biggest problem seems to be that the buses come and go however they want. We got a taste of that when I and my friend Andreas arrived almost two weeks ago and the first bus from the airport dropped us of and the driver said “some bus will come sometime and take you to Ayia Napa”. We waited an hour before all 6 of us who had been dropped off got tired of waiting for something that wasn’t going to come, so we split a cab together. We all were couples of 2 people who knew each other and we told the cab driver to go to the center of Ayia Napa so we all could walk from there, but one grumpy old man of the company just yelled his hotel name all the time so the cab driver took us there instead, which was very far from the center. Fortunately the cab driver made a second stop and we finally arrived at the beach hotel called Limanaki with our own balcony out to the sea.
Nearby there was a hidden gem called Love Bridge which is a natural bridge by the sea and it was one of the most amazing views I’ve ever seen. I wish I wasn’t afraid of sharks so that I could go for a swim in the crystal clear blue water.
In the evening we went out to party, which is what Ayia Napa is famous for, and we started off at Grabbarna Grus which is a Nordic bar famous for half naked chicks and fuck boys. It was almost empty to our surprise and we sat down at the table with drinks called Hästkuk (Horsedick) and Fittan Brinner (The Pussy’s On Fire). We thought they complimented each other.
Next we went to a bar with a Flintstones theme, and since your brain starts to think like it did in the Stone Age after too much drinks, it seemed appropriate. Andreas had the best ice breaker ever when he just yelled “Yabba dabba doo!” and sat down at a table with a Russian girl who seemed to be the only one who wasn’t dating the bartenders. We quickly found out that she wasn’t even drinking alcohol. I told her that I could say one meaning in Russian, “Ja tvoi sluga”, and she just laughed and told me it means “I’m your slave”. So thanks a lot Kraftwerk, who sings it in the song The Robots, for making me look like a fool. She told us she worked as a dancer and I wanted her to show me her best ballet moves but she had to leave. Not many minutes later she was suddenly up on the tables dancing in a completely new outfit than what she had before, and a completely other dance than what we had expected when we talked to her before.
We thought we would call it a night by going down to Tommy’s and then go home but destiny had some other plans for us. At Tommy’s I tried to sit down by two old ladies in their 80s who looked like they were ready for the graveyard next to Tommy’s, but one of them refused to let me sit there. So I turned around and saw two definitely younger girls I could disturb instead. They were friendlier for company and it turned out they were Swedish too! It’s funny how you go to a different continent only to meet people from back home. Linda and Ida were their names and they were such a blast to hang with. We decided we should sing the Elvis song from the day before but since the girls had no reference to what I and Andreas had seen, they thought it was the wrong choice for a karaoke performance. I quickly agreed with them and in the end we choose Rehab with Amy Winehouse instead, a suitable song since we started to become really wasted. The karaoke host lost his patience with us since we missed our song for like 2-3 times before we finally hit the stage. We sang so badly that the host hid his face in shame and just shook it from side to side, and then he banned us from performing ever again.
We hit it off with Linda and Ida so we decided we should join them for another round to the clubs instead of going home and somehow we met two Cypriotes on the way. I think the boys shared a cigarette with Linda and Ida or something like that and suddenly we were 6 people going to the club instead. I and Andreas were getting tired so we thought we would just sneak away and let the 4 of them go to the club instead since now they had company by the new guys, but they wouldn’t let us. The boys paid for themselves, Linda and Ida to get into the club but me and Andreas had no wish to pay 20 euro each to go out clubbing since we would rather be back at the hotel by now. We went into the Flintstones bar again and we couldn't understand why but the guys followed us there instead of going in to the other club with the girls. They begged us to go into the club where the girls were at and we still don't know why they wanted us there so badly. In the end they even paid our entrance to go in and we rejoined with Linda and Ida. Me and Andreas sat down in the quiet part of the club while the girls were dancing and suddenly they turned up and said that the guys were hitting on them so they wanted to leave. We helped them to leave by occupying the guys while the girls sneaked out of the club, and then we told the guys that the girls were at the toilet and that me and Andreas needed to go home because Andreas felt sick, which wasn't true. On the way home to the hotel we saw the fish spa next to Tommy's but at this time in the morning the aquariums were covered up and so Andreas started singing the Elvis song from the karaoke, but changed the words to "you´re the fish in disguise" since they were hiding.
The next day I should have been hungover but instead I walked a long, long way by myself in the heat of the sun to get to Nissi Beach. It would have been a nice place but there was way too much tourists so it got a bit destroyed by that and it reminded me of when I was at Skagen in Denmark. When I got back to the hotel I met Andreas and he had no shirt on and a bloody leg wrapped up in his T-shirt. He had smashed his leg by accident into a pole on his way to the store to buy some stamps to send postcards, so rock 'n' roll!
We continued to go see the Kamara Tou Koraka which is a natural bridge much like Love Bridge, but it was almost falling apart so we weren't allowed to walk on it.
When we got back to the hotel Andreas suggested that we should go swim in the sea and it was about time, so we did! Once again Andreas had bad luck and got stung by something in the sea and got a weird bruise on his back, but he's still alive as far as I know.
Then we went out to waste more brain cells again, and this time we had a mission. Andreas had started an Instagram account called "tristabilder" which means "boringpictures", and our mission was to take pictures of people who would get happy that we would want to take pictures of them and start to pose. And then when they asked what the account was called so they could follow it, they wouldn't understand the meaning of it, but at the same time it would be funny if they ever Google translated it and found out. All the people were boring so it was a perfect fit, or atleast they didn't share our weird humour.
We went back to good old Tommy's to finish off the evening with some karaoke even if we were banned. We wanted to end the trip with finally singing our own fish version of "(You're The) Devil In Disguise" but the vibe seemed quite dead even though it was a friday. I wanted someone to join us to sing because I knew how bad we sang, and so I went just outside Tommy's to ask the first persons that walked by to join us. Two Russian girls went by and they seemed interesting in doing it but then they said no in the end and walked away. I gave up and we sat down in Tommy's again to have a final beer and suddenly the Russian girls were there too and asked us to join them at their table.
It was already late and we had travelled all day so we went out for some food instead of getting a taste of the party life. We got to a place called Tommy’s and it’s funny how you always end up making the first place you go to in a new country your favorite place. I ate some grilled halloumi with tzatziki and listened to some old people singing karaoke and after this night I couldn’t see Ayia Napa as a party paradise for young people, but that would quickly change in the next couple of days. The funniest part of the karaoke was when an old guy pointed at his wife and said “this one’s for you” and then he sang “(You’re The) Devil In Disguise” by Elvis Presley. I don’t think he saw the comedy in it since the lyrics start off by being beautiful with stuff like “You look like an angel, walk like an angel, talk like an angel” and he continued to point at her every time. But then he seemed to regret his dedication when he got to the part which goes “But I got wise, you're the devil in disguise, you fooled me with your kisses, you cheated and you schemed, heaven knows how you lied to me, you're not the way you seemed”. And this was going to be stuck in our heads for the rest of the trip. Suddenly a bomb detonated with a bright light shining up the sky, or so I thought until I realized which side of the sea we were on, and instead it was fire works.
The next day we woke up to a beautiful day with sunshine and not even the bugs could bug me. I went for a swim in the pool while Andreas photographed me half naked without me knowing, he’s such a pig, just kidding! Then we went for a walk to the eastern side of Ayia Napa and found a sculpture park in the middle of what looked like a desert and I love places like this. I think I’m the only one who does though since almost nobody else was there and Andreas would be happy to leave as soon as possible.
Nearby there was a hidden gem called Love Bridge which is a natural bridge by the sea and it was one of the most amazing views I’ve ever seen. I wish I wasn’t afraid of sharks so that I could go for a swim in the crystal clear blue water.
In the evening we went out to party, which is what Ayia Napa is famous for, and we started off at Grabbarna Grus which is a Nordic bar famous for half naked chicks and fuck boys. It was almost empty to our surprise and we sat down at the table with drinks called Hästkuk (Horsedick) and Fittan Brinner (The Pussy’s On Fire). We thought they complimented each other.
Next we went to a bar with a Flintstones theme, and since your brain starts to think like it did in the Stone Age after too much drinks, it seemed appropriate. Andreas had the best ice breaker ever when he just yelled “Yabba dabba doo!” and sat down at a table with a Russian girl who seemed to be the only one who wasn’t dating the bartenders. We quickly found out that she wasn’t even drinking alcohol. I told her that I could say one meaning in Russian, “Ja tvoi sluga”, and she just laughed and told me it means “I’m your slave”. So thanks a lot Kraftwerk, who sings it in the song The Robots, for making me look like a fool. She told us she worked as a dancer and I wanted her to show me her best ballet moves but she had to leave. Not many minutes later she was suddenly up on the tables dancing in a completely new outfit than what she had before, and a completely other dance than what we had expected when we talked to her before.
We thought we would call it a night by going down to Tommy’s and then go home but destiny had some other plans for us. At Tommy’s I tried to sit down by two old ladies in their 80s who looked like they were ready for the graveyard next to Tommy’s, but one of them refused to let me sit there. So I turned around and saw two definitely younger girls I could disturb instead. They were friendlier for company and it turned out they were Swedish too! It’s funny how you go to a different continent only to meet people from back home. Linda and Ida were their names and they were such a blast to hang with. We decided we should sing the Elvis song from the day before but since the girls had no reference to what I and Andreas had seen, they thought it was the wrong choice for a karaoke performance. I quickly agreed with them and in the end we choose Rehab with Amy Winehouse instead, a suitable song since we started to become really wasted. The karaoke host lost his patience with us since we missed our song for like 2-3 times before we finally hit the stage. We sang so badly that the host hid his face in shame and just shook it from side to side, and then he banned us from performing ever again.
We hit it off with Linda and Ida so we decided we should join them for another round to the clubs instead of going home and somehow we met two Cypriotes on the way. I think the boys shared a cigarette with Linda and Ida or something like that and suddenly we were 6 people going to the club instead. I and Andreas were getting tired so we thought we would just sneak away and let the 4 of them go to the club instead since now they had company by the new guys, but they wouldn’t let us. The boys paid for themselves, Linda and Ida to get into the club but me and Andreas had no wish to pay 20 euro each to go out clubbing since we would rather be back at the hotel by now. We went into the Flintstones bar again and we couldn't understand why but the guys followed us there instead of going in to the other club with the girls. They begged us to go into the club where the girls were at and we still don't know why they wanted us there so badly. In the end they even paid our entrance to go in and we rejoined with Linda and Ida. Me and Andreas sat down in the quiet part of the club while the girls were dancing and suddenly they turned up and said that the guys were hitting on them so they wanted to leave. We helped them to leave by occupying the guys while the girls sneaked out of the club, and then we told the guys that the girls were at the toilet and that me and Andreas needed to go home because Andreas felt sick, which wasn't true. On the way home to the hotel we saw the fish spa next to Tommy's but at this time in the morning the aquariums were covered up and so Andreas started singing the Elvis song from the karaoke, but changed the words to "you´re the fish in disguise" since they were hiding.
The next day I should have been hungover but instead I walked a long, long way by myself in the heat of the sun to get to Nissi Beach. It would have been a nice place but there was way too much tourists so it got a bit destroyed by that and it reminded me of when I was at Skagen in Denmark. When I got back to the hotel I met Andreas and he had no shirt on and a bloody leg wrapped up in his T-shirt. He had smashed his leg by accident into a pole on his way to the store to buy some stamps to send postcards, so rock 'n' roll!
The last day we rented a dune buggy to see more of Cyprus than Ayia Napa.
We found a secret beach by mistake when we were looking for the sea caves. I can still regret that we didn't go swimming because it looked amazing, but instead we continued our search for the sea caves. We found them by mistake after we had given up the search and people were jumping off the cliffs into the water. I wish I had the balls to do something like that, maybe one day!
We continued to go see the Kamara Tou Koraka which is a natural bridge much like Love Bridge, but it was almost falling apart so we weren't allowed to walk on it.
We went to a beach nearby and almost went for a swim again but something just hold us back from doing it. Instead we continued to a view point to see the city of Famagusta with binoculars, or what's left of it.
I had no idea when I went to Cyprus that almost half of it is occupied by Turkey since the 70's. Famagusta used to be a vibrant city but since it was invaded it has been a ghost town, and no tourist is allowed into the Turkish side. It was nice to get a view of it and also to get some depth about Cyprus, and not just party away the brain cells in Ayia Napa, and suddenly the country got so much more interesting to learn more about.
When we got back to the hotel Andreas suggested that we should go swim in the sea and it was about time, so we did! Once again Andreas had bad luck and got stung by something in the sea and got a weird bruise on his back, but he's still alive as far as I know.
Then we went out to waste more brain cells again, and this time we had a mission. Andreas had started an Instagram account called "tristabilder" which means "boringpictures", and our mission was to take pictures of people who would get happy that we would want to take pictures of them and start to pose. And then when they asked what the account was called so they could follow it, they wouldn't understand the meaning of it, but at the same time it would be funny if they ever Google translated it and found out. All the people were boring so it was a perfect fit, or atleast they didn't share our weird humour.
We went back to good old Tommy's to finish off the evening with some karaoke even if we were banned. We wanted to end the trip with finally singing our own fish version of "(You're The) Devil In Disguise" but the vibe seemed quite dead even though it was a friday. I wanted someone to join us to sing because I knew how bad we sang, and so I went just outside Tommy's to ask the first persons that walked by to join us. Two Russian girls went by and they seemed interesting in doing it but then they said no in the end and walked away. I gave up and we sat down in Tommy's again to have a final beer and suddenly the Russian girls were there too and asked us to join them at their table.
We had a blast with Eugene and Elizaveta, as they were called, and when we asked them to join us to sing the Elvis song they wondered how old we were in a sarcastic way. Instead they suggested Scorpions Winds Of Change which seemed fitting since the Moscow references in the song. Andreas sneaked in our request since we were banned and when the karaoke host called out my name and he realized it was us he just laughed. We did a horrible version as usual and the karaoke host tried to save it by singing and whistling along. It was the perfect ending to the trip and I only wished we had more time in Cyprus, especially now when we had met so nice people!
* Best things about Cyprus – all the fun people, the amazing views and the good weather seems never ending, I could go on and on, but in the end it was Andreas version of the fish in disguise that made me laugh the most, and I don't even blame the 5 litres of alcohol for that
* Most mediocre thing about Cyprus – Nissi Beach was mediocre, it looked amazing in photos so maybe it was all the tourists that destroyed it
* Worst things about Cyprus – too much bugs, and the buses come and go as they please, Ayia Napa is also too much of a city that is just built for tourists that will party 24/7, and also what is up with not being allowed to flush the toilet paper?
Best countries in the world according to the nerd (will be updated with every post):
1. Andorra
2. Cyprus
3. Denmark
4. Belgium
5. Estonia
6. Finland
7. Bulgaria
8. Bosnia And Herzegovina
9. Albania
10.
* Best things about Cyprus – all the fun people, the amazing views and the good weather seems never ending, I could go on and on, but in the end it was Andreas version of the fish in disguise that made me laugh the most, and I don't even blame the 5 litres of alcohol for that
* Most mediocre thing about Cyprus – Nissi Beach was mediocre, it looked amazing in photos so maybe it was all the tourists that destroyed it
* Worst things about Cyprus – too much bugs, and the buses come and go as they please, Ayia Napa is also too much of a city that is just built for tourists that will party 24/7, and also what is up with not being allowed to flush the toilet paper?
Best countries in the world according to the nerd (will be updated with every post):
1. Andorra
2. Cyprus
3. Denmark
4. Belgium
5. Estonia
6. Finland
7. Bulgaria
8. Bosnia And Herzegovina
9. Albania
10.
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