Serbia
I don't know why but I couldn't sleep the night before I went to the airport together with Nils to go to Belgrade, the capital of Serbia. It was early December and we were met by a gray, dull and gloomy city that still had its marks from the Yugoslav wars during the 90's. We asked for direction to our hotel called Hotel Union and the girl I asked laughed before she pointed out the direction, that's never a good sign.
We arrived at Hotel Union and we could almost not see where we were going in the corridors because they wouldn't use any lighting, probably to save money or something. It was supposed to be a 3 star hotel but I would learn from this trip that you should go for the guest reviews instead of the stars. We had separate rooms next to each other and I thought my room smelled a lot of smoke, but as we were just there for 3 days we quickly went out of the hotel and into the streets. Nils had asked the receptionist for a recommendation of what to do and she suggested a visit to Kalemegdan which is a fortress. It had a view over the city and the river Danube floating by, Europe's second-longest river.
But we had a good vibe from it and would return in the evening. Now the place was packed and it was such a great environment, with the mine theme, the friendly people and the beer menu with beers from all over the world. Nils bought a raspberry beer and it was probably the best beer I have ever tasted. I don't even like beer and I loved this place, so that says it all. When it was time to pay after a full night out of exclusive beers I thought they had made a mistake because it was really cheap for me. And when Nils wanted to pay for him, they said that I had already paid for us both, so you can't complain about the prices either.
We went back to the hotel to get some sleep but it was impossible for me, because now when I was in the room longer than for 5 minutes I noticed that it would be like to try and sleep in a forest fire. The smoke stench was so heavy from people smoking in the room for 30 years that even after I had opened the windows and had a shirt over my face to try and get away from it, I could still smell it. I don't like conflicts so I really tried to just get through the night without complaining about the room but after an hour I gave up and went down to find a sleeping receptionist. I woke him up and tried to make him understand that I needed to change room and finally I got another one on another floor. I went up and had a look and it seemed alright, so I went down to the reception again and confirmed that I would change room. Finally I would be able to sleep, and so I laid down in the new bed and a spring in the bed cut into my back. I had a closer look at the bed and it was broken, but now I was so tired of it all that I just put some blankets on the bed to keep me from getting hurt and at least I got 1 or 2 hours of sleep that night.
Now I hadn't slept in 2 days and when I went up to go to the toilet I noticed that the bathroom was infested by some flying creatures that I have never seen before, so I had to stand outside the bathroom and try and hit the spot of the toilet from there. I went down to Nils to wake him up and tell him that I had moved to another floor, and then we had breakfast at the hotel together. An employee came up to me and asked why I had changed room in the middle of the night and I couldn't understand why she seemed surprised. The whole hotel was total trash and the worst hotel I've ever stayed at so she would be used to it I thought. Even the piano in the breakfast room was tilting because of the floor not being able to support the weight anymore. The waiter brought me a glass of water and when I saw that it was all muddy I had enough and we went out on the streets again, just to get away from this place.
There was Christmas decorations in the city and the only thing I wanted for Christmas was to get out of this town. So we took a cab to go to a 4 star spa hotel in the suburbs, not to sleep there, but to visit the spa. The taxi ride was much more expensive than we had thought and so we decided we should take a bus back to the city after the spa. I had seen pictures of the spa and it looked amazing with its spikes coming down from the ceiling. It was supposed to look like a cave paradise and resemble Bali, an island in Indonesia. Instead we arrived at a hotel squeezed in between industrial parts and worn down houses, the opposite of the image of Bali. We asked to go to the spa and the receptionist told us that we needed to rent the whole spa if we wanted to use it, so we did. It came with a bed so it felt more like a love nest than a spa. Nils quickly pointed out as a joke that "maybe I will come here with my girlfriend one day" to the receptionist, so he wouldn't think of us as a gay couple.
I was disappointed by the spa because the spikes were gone, and all that was left were marks in the ceiling of where the spikes had been. I imagined one of them had fallen down and pierced a visitor in the heart, but then again I suffer from too much imagination. The sauna was as hot as a spring day in Sweden, the hot tub should be called mediocre temperature tub and the pool was freezing cold.
Nils was amazed by us having a spa for ourselves and I really tried to get into his high spirit but I just couldn't, this was another disappointment for me, and I was getting really tired of Belgrade by now. When we went out to the reception to ask for directions for the bus to get back to the city he was confused by us going all the way out here to visit the spa when there are plenty of spas in the center of Belgrade. Then he said that it would be easier for us just to get a cab and when we told him it had been really expensive to get here, we quickly understood that we had been fooled by the taxi driver, another reason to hate this place. We went into town again, this time by a normal price in the cab since the receptionist made sure we wouldn't get ripped off again.
After another sleepless night at the hotel it was finally time to go back home and the taxi driver that took us to the airport early in the morning asked us "so what do you think of Belgrade?". We wanted to be nice and not be rude tourists so we said "yeah, it's good" not to offend him. He answered "what is good about Belgrade?! I hate this place!". Then we could stop acting nice and be true about our experience and he was the funniest taxi driver I've ever accounted. He begged us to take him with us to Sweden because he wanted to get out of this shitty place and I wish we could, because he was so funny and he deserved to be at a better place than this!
* Best things about Serbia – the Miners Pub is probably the best pub I've ever been too, I don't even like beer but it was amazing for the taste buds to travel the world by beer tasting in a nice environment like this, and the taxi driver to the airport when we were going back home should be a comedian instead in a better country than this, I had more fun in the 30 minutes with him than in 3 days in Belgrade
* Most mediocre thing about Serbia – it's gray and dull but you know that before you go there, so you can't really complain about it either
* Worst things about Serbia – Hotel Union is the worst place I've ever stayed at, and I can play the lead role in the sequel to Sleepless In Seattle called Sleepless In Belgrade, also make sure you won't get ripped off by a taxi driver going to an ice cold spa in the worn down suburbs if you go there, it's just not worth it
Best countries in the world according to the nerd (will be updated with every post):
1. Croatia
2. Montenegro
3. Andorra
4. Cyprus
5. Greece
6. Italy
7. Monaco
8. Malta
9. Netherlands
10. Iceland
11. Denmark
12. Lithuania
13. Macedonia
14. Portugal
15. New Zealand
16. Ireland
17. Belgium
18. Poland
19. Estonia
20. Switzerland
21. San Marino
22. Kosovo
23. Romania
24. Finland
25. Latvia
26. Moldova
27. Norway
28. France
29. Bulgaria
30. Luxembourg
31. Liechtenstein
32. China
33. Serbia (both better and worse than Bosnia And Herzegovina so it was a tough call)
34. Bosnia And Herzegovina
35. Albania
We arrived at Hotel Union and we could almost not see where we were going in the corridors because they wouldn't use any lighting, probably to save money or something. It was supposed to be a 3 star hotel but I would learn from this trip that you should go for the guest reviews instead of the stars. We had separate rooms next to each other and I thought my room smelled a lot of smoke, but as we were just there for 3 days we quickly went out of the hotel and into the streets. Nils had asked the receptionist for a recommendation of what to do and she suggested a visit to Kalemegdan which is a fortress. It had a view over the city and the river Danube floating by, Europe's second-longest river.
The view was gray and dull and it looked like we were stuck in an industrial town with no hope for the future, but I could still enjoy it since I was just a visitor. Nils paid his way to see a Roman Well and when he came out he didn't seem that amazed by the hole in the ground. The most interesting thing about our visit to the fortress was the sign that said "Walking In This Area, You Risk Your Life", and we thought there might be some land mines there. I should have knicked the sign and put it outside of the hotel instead, I will get back to the reason why.
We went to a theme pub called Miners Pub that I knew about from before the trip and since it was day time there was almost no people there, and we just had a beer and played some fussball.
But we had a good vibe from it and would return in the evening. Now the place was packed and it was such a great environment, with the mine theme, the friendly people and the beer menu with beers from all over the world. Nils bought a raspberry beer and it was probably the best beer I have ever tasted. I don't even like beer and I loved this place, so that says it all. When it was time to pay after a full night out of exclusive beers I thought they had made a mistake because it was really cheap for me. And when Nils wanted to pay for him, they said that I had already paid for us both, so you can't complain about the prices either.
We went back to the hotel to get some sleep but it was impossible for me, because now when I was in the room longer than for 5 minutes I noticed that it would be like to try and sleep in a forest fire. The smoke stench was so heavy from people smoking in the room for 30 years that even after I had opened the windows and had a shirt over my face to try and get away from it, I could still smell it. I don't like conflicts so I really tried to just get through the night without complaining about the room but after an hour I gave up and went down to find a sleeping receptionist. I woke him up and tried to make him understand that I needed to change room and finally I got another one on another floor. I went up and had a look and it seemed alright, so I went down to the reception again and confirmed that I would change room. Finally I would be able to sleep, and so I laid down in the new bed and a spring in the bed cut into my back. I had a closer look at the bed and it was broken, but now I was so tired of it all that I just put some blankets on the bed to keep me from getting hurt and at least I got 1 or 2 hours of sleep that night.
Now I hadn't slept in 2 days and when I went up to go to the toilet I noticed that the bathroom was infested by some flying creatures that I have never seen before, so I had to stand outside the bathroom and try and hit the spot of the toilet from there. I went down to Nils to wake him up and tell him that I had moved to another floor, and then we had breakfast at the hotel together. An employee came up to me and asked why I had changed room in the middle of the night and I couldn't understand why she seemed surprised. The whole hotel was total trash and the worst hotel I've ever stayed at so she would be used to it I thought. Even the piano in the breakfast room was tilting because of the floor not being able to support the weight anymore. The waiter brought me a glass of water and when I saw that it was all muddy I had enough and we went out on the streets again, just to get away from this place.
There was Christmas decorations in the city and the only thing I wanted for Christmas was to get out of this town. So we took a cab to go to a 4 star spa hotel in the suburbs, not to sleep there, but to visit the spa. The taxi ride was much more expensive than we had thought and so we decided we should take a bus back to the city after the spa. I had seen pictures of the spa and it looked amazing with its spikes coming down from the ceiling. It was supposed to look like a cave paradise and resemble Bali, an island in Indonesia. Instead we arrived at a hotel squeezed in between industrial parts and worn down houses, the opposite of the image of Bali. We asked to go to the spa and the receptionist told us that we needed to rent the whole spa if we wanted to use it, so we did. It came with a bed so it felt more like a love nest than a spa. Nils quickly pointed out as a joke that "maybe I will come here with my girlfriend one day" to the receptionist, so he wouldn't think of us as a gay couple.
I was disappointed by the spa because the spikes were gone, and all that was left were marks in the ceiling of where the spikes had been. I imagined one of them had fallen down and pierced a visitor in the heart, but then again I suffer from too much imagination. The sauna was as hot as a spring day in Sweden, the hot tub should be called mediocre temperature tub and the pool was freezing cold.
Nils was amazed by us having a spa for ourselves and I really tried to get into his high spirit but I just couldn't, this was another disappointment for me, and I was getting really tired of Belgrade by now. When we went out to the reception to ask for directions for the bus to get back to the city he was confused by us going all the way out here to visit the spa when there are plenty of spas in the center of Belgrade. Then he said that it would be easier for us just to get a cab and when we told him it had been really expensive to get here, we quickly understood that we had been fooled by the taxi driver, another reason to hate this place. We went into town again, this time by a normal price in the cab since the receptionist made sure we wouldn't get ripped off again.
After another sleepless night at the hotel it was finally time to go back home and the taxi driver that took us to the airport early in the morning asked us "so what do you think of Belgrade?". We wanted to be nice and not be rude tourists so we said "yeah, it's good" not to offend him. He answered "what is good about Belgrade?! I hate this place!". Then we could stop acting nice and be true about our experience and he was the funniest taxi driver I've ever accounted. He begged us to take him with us to Sweden because he wanted to get out of this shitty place and I wish we could, because he was so funny and he deserved to be at a better place than this!
* Best things about Serbia – the Miners Pub is probably the best pub I've ever been too, I don't even like beer but it was amazing for the taste buds to travel the world by beer tasting in a nice environment like this, and the taxi driver to the airport when we were going back home should be a comedian instead in a better country than this, I had more fun in the 30 minutes with him than in 3 days in Belgrade
* Most mediocre thing about Serbia – it's gray and dull but you know that before you go there, so you can't really complain about it either
* Worst things about Serbia – Hotel Union is the worst place I've ever stayed at, and I can play the lead role in the sequel to Sleepless In Seattle called Sleepless In Belgrade, also make sure you won't get ripped off by a taxi driver going to an ice cold spa in the worn down suburbs if you go there, it's just not worth it
Best countries in the world according to the nerd (will be updated with every post):
1. Croatia
2. Montenegro
3. Andorra
4. Cyprus
5. Greece
6. Italy
7. Monaco
8. Malta
9. Netherlands
10. Iceland
11. Denmark
12. Lithuania
13. Macedonia
14. Portugal
15. New Zealand
16. Ireland
17. Belgium
18. Poland
19. Estonia
20. Switzerland
21. San Marino
22. Kosovo
23. Romania
24. Finland
25. Latvia
26. Moldova
27. Norway
28. France
29. Bulgaria
30. Luxembourg
31. Liechtenstein
32. China
33. Serbia (both better and worse than Bosnia And Herzegovina so it was a tough call)
34. Bosnia And Herzegovina
35. Albania
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