Slovakia
The capitals of Austria and Slovakia are so close to each other that it took just an hour to get from Vienna to Bratislava by bus when my friend Erik and I had been visiting Austria for a couple of days. Now it was time to enjoy the poor side of the border and it's weird how two cities that are so close to each other can be like night and day. I just hoped our visit wouldn't turn out as bad as in the horror movie Hostel which is said to take place in Slovakia.
We arrived in the autumn and it was raining down on the gray foundation that is the worn down suburbs of Bratislava. My first impression was horrible and I wished we had stayed in the grand and beautiful Vienna instead. Then I quickly understood that it was a big difference between the suburbs of Bratislava where the bus station was located and the city center.
When we arrived at the boat hotel on the river Danube that floats through the city, it felt like coming home for me. I had seen the river floating through many of the countries in Europe that I had visited, like Hungary, Serbia and Austria, and now I would finally be living on it. I could see the landmark of the UFO Observation Deck outside the window from our room and I loved it.
We went outside to see what the city had to offer and the rain was gone which was a relief. I quickly stumbled upon another famous landmark which is Čumil, a statue of an emerging sewer worker and I loved how creative the city felt.
It's a small cozy city but it has a lot of statues and other small stuff that makes every part of it special, they can even make a simple thing as a mailbox into art.
The Blue Church might be the most famous of the landmarks and I enjoyed the fact that it was situated in one of the most worn down surroundings instead of being abused as a tourist attraction where people would sell small blue churches as souvenirs or something like that. It felt real instead of exploited even though they worship a made up god in it, and the harsh surroundings made it stand out as even more beautiful. Like a flower that grows through the cracks in concrete to use an old and abused expression.
The next day I woke up to sunshine, and Erik and I had shared the double bed but now he was missing. I found him in the arm chair at the opposite side of the room where he tried to sleep. Apparently he had almost went to the hospital during the night due to an allergic reaction to the bad quality of the washing powder they had used on the linens. So while I was lying in bed loving life in the sunshine shimmering through the open window, Erik had almost got no sleep during his rough night and he probably just wanted to get out of Bratislava. The sun made it feel like summer even though it was November, and I was dreaming myself away to one day be owning a boat and be living by the sea. I embraced every minute that I could stay in the room. It was one of the best hotel experiences I ever had and it wasn't because the hotel was so great, it was just location, location, location!
We went out for another day in the capital before we were heading home to Sweden again and this day we would go and see the castle that overlooks the city. We had seen it the day before and it had been like the city rotated because when you were sure that you had the castle in your back then suddenly it was in front of you and so on. I had even been sure that there must be more than one castle because of this, because I couldn't wrap my head around it. On our way to the castle we saw a huge poster that said that Michael Winslow was coming to perform soon, which was hilarious since he's famous for the Police Academy movies made in the 80's where he imitated sound effects. 20-30 years later he performs in Bratislava as a billboard name and that says everything about how far behind Slovakia is, and you also realise where all former stars go to make money when the real career is over. They get another 20 years of fame in the Eastern Europe.
The walk to the castle upon the hill went through the older parts of town and it was picturesque until we reached the grand square outside of the castle, that overlooks the whole city. I was generally tired of looking at castles by now since about every major city got one, but I was glad that Erik made me go see this one, because it was a spectacular view and the white castle with orange roof was a great contrast to the gray and industrial looking city below.
The last thing we saw, before we went back to the depressing areas of the city where the bus station was located, was a sign that said "KGB Pub". The logo was a harsh woman with a Soviet flag wrapped around her head hushing you, at the same time as she's showing you the way down the stairs to the "secret" pub, as to say "don't tell anyone what's going on in here".
It just confirmed it, I love Bratislava for being everything at the same time. It's creative, beautiful, ugly, poor, gray, colourful, funny, depressing; it's a celebration of life in itself!
* Best things about Slovakia – The creative spirit of Bratislava resonates with me and you can tell that Andy Warhol got his genes from this country, if you only got 5 minutes to spend in Slovakia then spend them at the Blue Church because it sums up the harsh beauty of the country with it's surroundings, I'm always in a hurry to get out of the hotel rooms when I'm on a trip because I want to experience as much as possible but when I woke up at the boat I felt like I could have spent all day there, just watching boats go by in the sunshine while I and the UFO observed them, and make sure to visit the castle even though you have seen too many of them already, the view will make it worthwile
* Most mediocre thing about Slovakia – it's like Poland in that way that you can complain about it being poor, gray and industrial and 20-30 years behind, but you also know this from the start so why complain about it, embrace it instead
* Worst things about Slovakia – it's a poor country and that also means you need to be on your guard for robbery and stuff, which is too bad, because then you can never enjoy it to the fullest, and the food is horrible, some of the worst I've ever eaten, make sure to eat Indian food during your visit because it's almost impossible to make it taste bad, and that's an advice you can use for all poor countries
Best countries in the world according to the nerd (will be updated with every post):
1. Croatia
2. Montenegro
3. Andorra
4. Cyprus
5. Greece
6. Italy
7. Monaco
8. Malta
9. Netherlands
10. Iceland
11. Denmark
12. Lithuania
13. Macedonia
14. Portugal
15. Slovakia
16. New Zealand
17. Ireland
18. Belgium
19. Poland
20. Estonia
21. Switzerland
22. San Marino
23. Kosovo
24. Romania
25. Finland
26. Latvia
27. Moldova
28. Norway
29. France
30. Bulgaria
31. Luxembourg
32. Liechtenstein
33. China
34. Serbia
35. Bosnia And Herzegovina
36. Albania
We arrived in the autumn and it was raining down on the gray foundation that is the worn down suburbs of Bratislava. My first impression was horrible and I wished we had stayed in the grand and beautiful Vienna instead. Then I quickly understood that it was a big difference between the suburbs of Bratislava where the bus station was located and the city center.
When we arrived at the boat hotel on the river Danube that floats through the city, it felt like coming home for me. I had seen the river floating through many of the countries in Europe that I had visited, like Hungary, Serbia and Austria, and now I would finally be living on it. I could see the landmark of the UFO Observation Deck outside the window from our room and I loved it.
We went outside to see what the city had to offer and the rain was gone which was a relief. I quickly stumbled upon another famous landmark which is Čumil, a statue of an emerging sewer worker and I loved how creative the city felt.
The Blue Church might be the most famous of the landmarks and I enjoyed the fact that it was situated in one of the most worn down surroundings instead of being abused as a tourist attraction where people would sell small blue churches as souvenirs or something like that. It felt real instead of exploited even though they worship a made up god in it, and the harsh surroundings made it stand out as even more beautiful. Like a flower that grows through the cracks in concrete to use an old and abused expression.
In Sweden you're not allowed to buy alcohol in grocery stores, at least not anything that will get you the slightest drunk, because the government likes to control their peoples drinking habits. There is positive and negative effects of that. I don't think they should control adults who can make their own choices but at the same time alcohol is an easy way out of trouble and misery for a while, or so you think, and end up as a drunk. In that way it's good to make it harder to buy it for that reason. Sometimes I'm not sure if it should be legal at all, because of all the destruction it also brings with drunk behaviour, so it's a tough question that at least deserves to be thought about. In Slovakia they don't seem to agree with this and I couldn't find a beer in the grocery store that had less than 10% alcohol. They seem kind of drug liberal too since I bought an energy drink with cannabis, isn't cannabis supposed to slow you down? Erik and I had some drinks in our room at the boat and when we listened to the harsh yet beautiful noise of Crystal Castles while overlooking Danube and the UFO Observation Deck everything fell into place. I didn't want to be anywhere else right then, and I enjoyed every second of the brutal beauty of Slovakia.
The UFO Observation Deck from when we were walking back to our boat hotel nearby
We went out for another day in the capital before we were heading home to Sweden again and this day we would go and see the castle that overlooks the city. We had seen it the day before and it had been like the city rotated because when you were sure that you had the castle in your back then suddenly it was in front of you and so on. I had even been sure that there must be more than one castle because of this, because I couldn't wrap my head around it. On our way to the castle we saw a huge poster that said that Michael Winslow was coming to perform soon, which was hilarious since he's famous for the Police Academy movies made in the 80's where he imitated sound effects. 20-30 years later he performs in Bratislava as a billboard name and that says everything about how far behind Slovakia is, and you also realise where all former stars go to make money when the real career is over. They get another 20 years of fame in the Eastern Europe.
The walk to the castle upon the hill went through the older parts of town and it was picturesque until we reached the grand square outside of the castle, that overlooks the whole city. I was generally tired of looking at castles by now since about every major city got one, but I was glad that Erik made me go see this one, because it was a spectacular view and the white castle with orange roof was a great contrast to the gray and industrial looking city below.
Me pretending to pee in front of the castle
The last thing we saw, before we went back to the depressing areas of the city where the bus station was located, was a sign that said "KGB Pub". The logo was a harsh woman with a Soviet flag wrapped around her head hushing you, at the same time as she's showing you the way down the stairs to the "secret" pub, as to say "don't tell anyone what's going on in here".
It just confirmed it, I love Bratislava for being everything at the same time. It's creative, beautiful, ugly, poor, gray, colourful, funny, depressing; it's a celebration of life in itself!
* Best things about Slovakia – The creative spirit of Bratislava resonates with me and you can tell that Andy Warhol got his genes from this country, if you only got 5 minutes to spend in Slovakia then spend them at the Blue Church because it sums up the harsh beauty of the country with it's surroundings, I'm always in a hurry to get out of the hotel rooms when I'm on a trip because I want to experience as much as possible but when I woke up at the boat I felt like I could have spent all day there, just watching boats go by in the sunshine while I and the UFO observed them, and make sure to visit the castle even though you have seen too many of them already, the view will make it worthwile
* Most mediocre thing about Slovakia – it's like Poland in that way that you can complain about it being poor, gray and industrial and 20-30 years behind, but you also know this from the start so why complain about it, embrace it instead
* Worst things about Slovakia – it's a poor country and that also means you need to be on your guard for robbery and stuff, which is too bad, because then you can never enjoy it to the fullest, and the food is horrible, some of the worst I've ever eaten, make sure to eat Indian food during your visit because it's almost impossible to make it taste bad, and that's an advice you can use for all poor countries
Best countries in the world according to the nerd (will be updated with every post):
1. Croatia
2. Montenegro
3. Andorra
4. Cyprus
5. Greece
6. Italy
7. Monaco
8. Malta
9. Netherlands
10. Iceland
11. Denmark
12. Lithuania
13. Macedonia
14. Portugal
15. Slovakia
16. New Zealand
17. Ireland
18. Belgium
19. Poland
20. Estonia
21. Switzerland
22. San Marino
23. Kosovo
24. Romania
25. Finland
26. Latvia
27. Moldova
28. Norway
29. France
30. Bulgaria
31. Luxembourg
32. Liechtenstein
33. China
34. Serbia
35. Bosnia And Herzegovina
36. Albania
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